This week, we have chosen to focus our posts on adoption- in honor of National Adoption Month. During the next week, we will share the stories of five different women whose lives have each been radically impacted by adoption.
Christa and I (Ashley) met on a trip to China with Show Hope in 2010. I’ll never forget trekking the Great Wall of China with her and getting to know her over those two weeks! As Show Hope is an organization with an emphasis on orphan care, we, along with a group of other young women, got acquainted with one another’s hearts for orphan care and adoption at that time. Since then, it has been a joy to watch both of us develop, get married, and to see how Christa’s family has bloomed. Christa’s heart for children is strong and brave, and it is with joy that I present this interview, with Christa’s story of foster care and adoption. Since the time of this interview a couple weeks ago, Christa and her husband have welcomed their new baby girl!
C&T: What are the current demographics of your family?
Christa: Currently, we have a 3 year old bio daughter, a 2 year old adopted son, and a baby on the way (maybe soon- contractions have started making their presence known).
C&T: What led you to consider adoption?
Christa: Honestly, I’ve personally felt called to adoption since I was 4. My first career choice was to be a Batman and Joker mommy. I felt that, since Batman’s mommy had died, he needed someone to care for him, and Joker wouldn’t have been nearly so bad if he had a good mommy. After that, I got good and self-righteous. I said, “How selfish would I have to be to bring a child into the world when there are so many who are waiting for homes!”. Once God got ahold of me about my self-righteousness, I still felt called and, thus, it was a requirement for any man I perspectively might marry that he be on board with adopting. Honestly, after so many years, I was certain that God gave me that vision because I wasn’t going to be able to have biological children. Well, he’s now surprised me with two of them (whom, yes, I love just as much as my adopted son).
C&T: Did you foster before you adopted? Was it a domestic or international adoption? Closed or open?
Christa: Yes, we fostered through Arkansas DCFS. We have been an open foster home for 2.5 years and fostered a few other little boys, before our current son came into our family. It is a closed adoption, due to his previous family situation. We still have pictures of them for his sake, though, and try to pray for them daily.
C&T: How did you decide the when and where of your adoption process?
Christa: Honestly, before we became pregnant with our first daughter, we we planning on International adoption; though, once we had her, God brought more and more people into our lives who were foster parents. We then got introduced to an organization here in Arkansas named The CALL (Children of Arkansas Loved for a Lifetime). The more we learned about the crisis in the foster care system and what these children had been through, the more God led us to foster.
C&T: What have been the top 3 challenges of your experience?
Christa: Only 3?? With it being through DCFS, there were a lot of hoops to jump through, from making our home look like they wanted it, to all the training you have to go through. That was definitely the hardest. The second challenge was letting our other boys go, when it was their time. We loved them with every ounce of our being and watching them leave was heart wrenching. The third I guess would have to be a grief in loss of certain “social standing”. I have been judged for having African American children, judged for using WIC at the grocery store, told that I was a bad mom for how I was handling my screaming infant, who was simply screaming because he had only been with me a few days, and the list goes on.
C&T: What have been the top 3 joys of your experience?
Christa: Again, only 3? Oh my, seeing a mother get her baby back is priceless. Beyond that, God has blessed us beyond measure. To see God’s family step in and help us through the hard times has been so humbling and encouraging (just today I was talking to a woman about my now adopted son, and she told me what a blessing it was to try to rock him in the nursery at church, during his 2 months of screaming constantly, because she knew I was getting a break from what I was dealing with every day). And, of course, we just finalized our adoption on October 19, 2016. The joy of holding my son, who I know God specifically brought to me after years of having that desire on my heart, cannot be put into words.
C&T: If there is one thing you would want people to know about the process of adoption, what would it be?
Christa: It’s hard. There are many times you feel very alone and invisible. New moms who have their children biologically get baby showers, meals brought to them, and sweet gifts galore. Adoptive, and especially foster moms, don’t get that. They may have been up all night with newborns for months, due to strings of placements, but not many think to bring them a meal. Recently, one friend who is an awesome foster mom finally had a shower thrown for her after 4 or 5 placements. She was telling how special it was, partly because not long before, her mom bought her some things and she said, “these would normally be baby shower gifts, but since you’ve not had one I thought I’d go ahead and give them to you now.”. Also, children from hard places deal with very different issues than biological children, so many times in conversation you end up simply feeling left out or looked down upon because people simply don’t understand.
C&T: What has been the most helpful post-adoption resource for you?
Christa: Well, I’m not far post-adoption, but I’d say the most helpful thing throughout fostering has been people with ears to listen and not quick to try to offer advice (since generally they don’t understand) and people who tell me how they’re going to help, rather than ask, “what do you need?”. We have one family who will occasionally simply say, “you’ve not asked us to watch the kids in awhile; when this week do you want us to watch them?”. Because, honestly, you’re so tired and stressed out, you don’t even know how to ask for help. I know some families who have had friends just show up and do lawn care and others who have had a friend show up just to do the dishes and sweep the floor. Those things are amazing after having dealt with court hearings, visitations, paperwork, and home visits.
C&T: How did you/do you want to be supported before and after the adoption took place?
Christa: Since we did through foster care, monetary wasn’t important to us, but again, tangible actions have blessed us beyond measure!
C&T: What would be your advice to someone else going through the same experience?
Christa: My advice: PRAY! You cannot do adoption on your own. It is too hard. You have to be relying on God to help you through. He has to be your foundation. Also, make sure you and your husband are on the same page. An adopted child is not going to help your marriage. It will put so much more stress and strain on your relationship. If you are not in sync, you cannot be what that child needs. I’ve watched many marriages fall apart due to thinking that bringing a child home will fix their problems.
Christa Adams and her husband Justin will be married 40 years on February 18, 2052 (meaning this February, they will celebrate their 5th anniversary). Justin is an audio engineer at FamilyLife, a ministry to care for marriages and families, in Little Rock, AR and Christa is now simply known as “Momma”. Christa loves serving in the children’s ministry at church and is always up for whatever adventure God may present next- the problem comes when He says it’s time to stay put for awhile.
Catch up on the previous posts in this series:
Part 1: An Interview with Elisabeth Ream: A Story of International Adoptions on the Ground
Part 2: An Interview with Hope Helms: The Journey to Adoption
Part 3: An Interview with Kathryn Thompson: The Story of an Adoptee
Part 4: An Interview with Kristin Campbell: A Story of Multiple Adoptions